The Walls We Build

My husband David and I are building a wall. It’s in our back yard, behind the house we built twenty five years ago.  Our house sits on a third of an acre, on a sloping hillside property above Kalamalka Lake, which National Geographic has claimed to be one of the ten most beautiful lakes in the world. Over a hundred years ago, this land was the spring and summer home for the Salish Peoples of the British Columbia Interior. They hunted, fished and gathered berries and grew crops on this hillside.

When our rural community of Coldstream was settled, mostly by British ruling immigrants one hundred years ago, our land was heavily planted with fruit orchards. Then as the area grew, and the demand for housing with it, the trees were systematically taken down and our subdivision was developed.  Our home used to be on the highest road on the hillside and our cul- de- sac was the coveted place to live. Since then, the whole mountain has been consumed with construction and we now rest smack in the middle of a hoard of large homes. 

A view of Kalamalka Lake from our upper deck

 We have many walls on our property. We built most of them using large river bed rocks. The first spring we were in our house we had a dump truck load of river bed rocks delivered to our front yard. Later that same day, our builder called to say they wanted to come and form our drive-way the next day. Isn’t it funny that we had lived with a dirt drive way for 4 months and the day we have a ton of rocks delivered, our builder suddenly wants to form and pave our drive way? Some would call it, Murphy’s law but I just call it life and another lesson in letting go.

David with baby Clark and Alyssa looking at the hill in our front yard that we have to retain

The day of the rock delivery and our builder’s announcement, David came home from work and grimly started moving rock. We had waited four months to have our drive way put in and there was no way we were going to ask for an extension, since our builder was now side tracked building other homes, and we didn’t know when he would put some of his crew back to come and finish our home. I joined David in the yard, after tucking our two children into bed. It felt like they would never settle. Our three year old daughter Alyssa kept asking me to read, “just one more book,” and it took forever for our four month old son, Clark to finally drift to sleep at the breast. I had moved him from side to side to side until at last, with warm milk trickling from the side of his mouth, he pulled away from the breast with a contented smile and heavy lids. I put him down gently into his crib and grabbed my work gloves. David asked, “is he all tanked up?” and I replied, “yes, I’m all yours for at least four more hours.”

 David had already moved a sizeable chunk of rocks and I knew he was getting punchy as he started to sing the “working on the chain gang,” song over and over. The sky grew dark and I turned on all the lights at the front of our house so we could see what we were doing. I started to sing the chain gang song with David and we laughed with exhaustion as the stars twinkled over head. The larger rocks we rolled to the new location in our front yard but for most of them, we picked them up and carried them over to the growing pile, then dropped them. This made a huge crack sound as they hit the rocks below and I'm sure, to our new neighbours, it must have sounded like a gun going off every few minutes. Finally, just before midnight we moved our last rock and baby Clark was waking to ask for a fill up.

"Lakelin Reach" before the drive way or side walk was formed....you can see the pool steps in the garage so the pool wasn't even put in at this stage...oh the trim on the windows was not painted yet....the house has changed a lot in the last 25 years..see updated picture below

 As it turned out, our builder decided that they couldn’t form the drive way the next day and if memory serves, they didn’t come for several more weeks. Another lesson in surrender and for some, it would have created the belief that contractors are unreliable. For me it created the belief that David and I working together can do anything. 

David, Alyssa and Clark in front of the rock walls we built in our front yard

Sorry, picture crooked but yep, that's me with the kids in the front yard....wow the plants have really grown since then....see below for a recent picture

Those rocks were the first of  several deliveries that arrived, allowing us the material to build walls and terraces throughout our yard, in the effort to create flatter living areas in our outside spaces. David got very good at looking at a pile of rocks and remembering the size and quality of each and like a jig saw puzzle, he put each piece exactly where it belonged. 

I was never so happy to see the last rock placed on that final wall 19 years ago and Baby Clark was over 6 years old and two little brothers had joined our family. I often wonder if our rock wall building obsession, in his formative years created a love for rocks in him. For years, I had to ruthlessly check his jean pockets for rocks before putting them in the wash. Last year, he graduated with a Science degree in Earth and Environmental studies; basically it’s the undergrad to becoming a geologist. Isn’t it true that we often come back to what we were raised with and what we learned to know well?

 The walls we are building now, are to replace two landscape tie walls, each 50 feet wide and 3 feet high, that have rotted over the last 25 years. They were built above our pool to retain two terraced beds. At the time of construction, we just wanted to create two useful walls and in my wildest dreams I never thought we would live in our house long enough to have to replace them. Life is endlessly interesting and I never fail to be surprised with how things unfold! This time though, we are taking it slow, as we know this will be the last walls we build. David and I are getting older and we realize this is not just a wall, but a piece of the legacy we leave on our property.

In this picture you can see our pool to the left and the landscape retaining walls above...Alyssa playing with her plastic farm animals while David builds a rock wall to the right of the pool area

Three years later, our second son Mitchell was born in 1996 and in the rear of this picture you can see the landscape retaining wall and one of the rock walls built with rocks found from our own property as we were landscaping it....we are in fact on a mountain side so there were lots of rocks

We haven’t had a shipment of rocks delivered this time since there really isn’t a place to dump them and besides, we want to carefully select the rocks for our new walls. This summer we have been methodically taking down the landscape tie wall, section by section and moving the rotting remains to the dump in our family van. Then several times a week, when we have a spare evening, we take a drive  into the nearby mountains to search for rocks. 

The river bed rocks are just on the side of logging roads up in the mountains. Picking them ourselves gives us exactly the size and shape of rocks we want. If we were to have a ton delivered, even if we had somewhere to put them, we would receive round rocks, really large rocks and then some too small to work with as well. Picking them ourselves is hard work but we get what we want...and the price is right!

Thankfully, we have found a large mother lode of them off an old logging road where it looks like there once was a creek running through the area. As we lift our carefully selected rocks that have been settled into the ground for  eons, it almost feels like a sacred ritual. David and I compete to see who lifts the biggest rock, or finds the nicest looking one. We smile at each other as we pass, hefting large boulders  into the back of our van.

These rocks silent but heavy, with memory of days long past, are 

relics reminding us of our impermanence on this earth.

Our van holds just enough rocks to build a 3 to 6 foot wide wall, 3 feet high...here are just a few we found one evening

As this is the type of work that is physically intense, but one in which the mind is free, I’ve been reflecting on our building material and on other types of walls; the walls we build inside ourselves. The walls that are built by our belief system, many formed when we are children, others through life experiences as we grow. Walls laden heavy with what we believe to be true, walls weighted with judgement regarding how we should maneuver through our life. 

Years ago, I took a three part course called, “The Pursuit of Excellence.” The second part of the course was called, “The Wall,” and it took place on Orcas Island, near Seattle Washington. It was there, during some very effective self discovery exercises and out of my comfort zone experiences, that I discovered I had built many walls in my short 29 years of living. In fact, many were preventing me from experiencing a life rich and full. Those walls dictated what I felt I could or could not do in my life. During that pivotal long weekend course, I kicked down walls built on fear and shifted instead into a landscape full of endless possibilities.

So similar to the foundations we provided for our son Clark to learn to love rocks, I learned as a young adult while on Orcas Island to break down my walls and let go of my belief systems that were preventing me from living my best life. If I couldn’t knock those walls down, at least I could jump over them and see the possibilities on the other side. I also connected deeply with other strangers whom I met at that long weekend training session and realized we basically all want the same things on this planet; to be happy, to be loved, to live in peace, to make connections with others and to live a meaningful life.

As I lift these boulders and drop them at the base of what will be our new wall, I think about the family who may live in our house in a hundred years from now. Will they wonder about the Reynolds family who built this house, the family who raised eight children on this property? Perhaps they will find little plastic farm animals that our children often play with as we are building our rock walls.

The world is changing but not fast enough for me.

The beginning of our new walls...we are almost half way across. We plan to put a set of steps up the middle so you can easily go up to the hot tub from the pool

 

The wall from another angle....I can't wait to have herbs, perennials, and maybe some watermelon growing in the beds above the pool...this area gets all day sun so is perfect for growing flowers of all kinds...bringing the bees and butterflies to our yard is important for our edible garden

Twenty five years ago we built this house....you can hardly see it from the road any longer with all the plants that have grown in our rock wall terraced beds

 

Seriously I need to get the pruning shears out soon but here is the last rock wall we built 19 years ago...in the corner is a little pond with fountain spray...this is the bottom of our drive way

This is the same area, 25 years later, of the picture of the hillside I showed you above...these two terraced rock wall beds give us lovely privacy in our front yard and the bonus of having a drive way that goes down...the kid's balls don't go out onto the road...they are safe...that is unless they don's sled down our drive way in the winter time....although it's been done!

There are more walls that need to be taken down......

Last Friday, there was a protest by white nationalists in Charlottesville, Virginia, a quiet college town. They were carrying torches and chanting horrific racist remarks and at the end of it all, a young woman was dead and many more injured. 

And for what I keep asking myself? It’s the same old wall that holds up the belief that if you don’t look like me, if you don’t believe what I believe, then you must be eradicated from this earth. When is this fear and hatred going to end on this planet? I often think it’s strange that we don’t see the Indigenous people’s marching against the invasion of immigrants to North America. They certainly have more right to do so than these white nationalist, who seem to think they were the first ones to come to this land.

 Anyway,  here I am, trying to remain impartial and only observe and yet, judgement creeps into my consciousness at every turn. 

WHAT HOPE DOES THIS WORLD HAVE?

I lift my quiet watchers of the world and place them on our land, hoping that in a hundred years from now things will be different. Hoping, some of the barriers that are preventing this earth from being a place of peace will have been broken down. People will finally realize that we are all connected on this planet and when hatred and violence occurs, like a pebble being thrown into a pond, the ripples reverberate out to the farthest shore and touch us all. 

With that same knowledge I believe peaceful thoughts do the same and so, with that in mind I head out to our backyard and recite my prayer,

"May all beings be well, happy and peaceful."

The rocks are watching.

As I say goodbye to you today, I'm singing, "What's Going On," with Marvin Gaye. Please join me, and let's keep taking down walls of racism and hatred and build a world full of peace and love.

Until we meet again, may you be well, happy and peaceful.

Blessings from Hope

More or Less? (Reflections while camping)

   

                                                                 

  “Use for yourself little, but give to others much.” —Albert Einstein

Isn’t free will an interesting concept? At its core level it can be a freeing experience, empowering even, but here is where the oxymoron lies, for some of us, having limitless choices creates stress and anxiety. I deeply appreciate knowing this is a first world problem and I don’t take this liberty for granted, but more and more, I am choosing less and less.

 I want a simpler way of living.

Our recent camping experience demonstrated that a minimalist approach in life makes me happier. We have been camping for years now and while we always take tents, our van is usually loaded with all sorts of extras that this year I vetoed. This year choosing to take less meant we packed up laser fast. What used to take several days to organize and pack, literally took one afternoon with David and I dividing and conquering the tasks. What took the most time this year was pausing to say, “no.” No to the board games and toys the children never play with, no to the extra pillows and the daily change of clean "ironed" clothes we don’t really need. No to unnecessary toiletries. I didn't even take a tube of lip gloss!

 What made it even easier was a seasonal forecast for dry, hot weather. This summer our Province has experienced a record high amount of forest fires and although that has been really tragic and sad for those who have lost their homes or have been evacuated from their properties for weeks, for those of us outside the fire areas, there has been a lot of smoke to contend with. Often really poor air quality and some days it can be depressing seeing only grey and white in the air when you know blue is just beyond all the smoke. It did make packing for our camping holiday easier, knowing it would continue to be hot; a few swim suits, a pair of shorts, a t shirt, some pj's and we called it good.

Also, when I packed our food, the option of having S’mores was gone since camp fires were prohibited and I was hoping that our minimalist camping would transfer over to a simpler diet as well. The day before we left I picked green beans from the garden and gathered cucumbers and tomatoes which would all be great with our lunch and dinners and on our way out of town we bought some corn and various fresh fruit for the kids to snack on. I packed some quinoa and rice, some cans of organic lentil soup and the kid’s favourite Annie’s macaroni and cheese in a box which was a real treat and easy for me to prepare.

Thankfully, none of our children are allergic to peanuts, so bringing some peanut butter, jam and bread filled the lunch bill and breakfasts….well, David went crazy when he was at Costco buying supplies and got the kids little boxes of those cereals that they always wanted to try. Thankfully, I packed a bag of old fashion oatmeal with ground flax seed, nuts and dried fruit and after the first morning eating those sugary cereals, several of the children asked for some of my oatmeal on the following mornings. 

Having choices is good! The contrast teaches what you don't and do want in life.

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Another huge benefit was the camp set up which was a breeze. In no time our tents were up, our sleeping bags rolled out, giving us lots of time to swim, play on the beach, float around on the one luxury we did bring; an inflatable boat and when we weren’t at the beach the kids played card games and we all had brought books to read. Each evening when it was cooler we went out for a hike and explored the area. 

Our camp was simple and easy

One evening on our way to the nature trail, we strolled through the campground and while Victoria was counting beloved dogs, Kathryn stopped every time a chipmunk crossed our path, and William was looking for just the right walking stick, David and I were rather surprised and shocked to see most of the camp sites filled with large, fancy recreational vehicles with awnings and large bump out rooms, and toys of all kinds littered throughout the camp sites. Some had motor boats on trailers behind their large trucks. It occurred to me then that our choice of camping equipment ran towards the line of simplicity, compared to almost everyone else. Some of the trailers and motor homes were the size or larger of the tiny houses that are so popular now…..and in fact, if we didn’t have 6 children living at home right now,  that would be my FULL TIME residence of choice.

Starting out on our nature trail hike...this is the main road but quickly it veers off into the trees

 I have to say, it was a bit of a culture shock. Instead of listening to the noises of the forest, sounds from T.V’s. and music from stereos drifted out from the campsites. As we walked by one site you could hear the beep of a microwave and smells of spicy butter chicken wafted onto our pathway. As the evening got darker, fire light could be seen flickering through the trees and it occurred to us that many had overcome the camp fire ban by bringing large propane fueled, campfire bowls. As if this wasn’t enough, what really popped my socks were a few campers had strung colourful, LED lights and patio lanterns around their camp site. And another had circled their whole camp site with stick in the ground, solar landscape lighting. You would think they were settling in for the long haul.

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Now, I know this sounds rather judgemental but really it is just an observation on choices. Will I have less or more in my life? What makes me happy? Almost 95% of the campers chose to bring all the comforts of home along with them and we chose to bring the least amount. They obviously wanted the outdoor experience but with the luxuries of home; and we had chosen to experience a bit of a contrast from our day to day life. Also, judging by some of their set ups, I'm sure camping is their regular summer experience, whereas we only occasionally go out into the woods. And who knows, maybe their house at home is not very luxurious. Maybe they live in a very basic home and THIS is their luxury. If that is the case, they are experiencing contrast. Something I noticed as we drove home and through the country side is that there were very modest homes with large recreational vehicles in their side yard. Hmmmmmm! This is their choice in life.

And as long as they are happy...I am too.

Life is endlessly interesting to me!

What did take a tiny bit of joy out of our camping experience though was not waking up to the sounds of the forest, with the morning wind blowing through the trees and the birds chattering away to one another, but to the loud humming of generators being fired up each morning. It broke my peace but gave me another thing to observe and let go.

 One night we had a wonderful outdoor experience as we woke to a rustling noise in our recycling bag, out by our picnic table. I heard it first and thought maybe it was a BEAR! I woke David and he sleepily told me to go out and see. "I'm not going out there," I said as I passed him the flash light. He grunted and sleepily crawled out of our our low tent. I watched from the door way as he slowly and cautiously walked towards the noise, wearing only his underwear, (I giggle now as it was kind of a funny sight) and then the flash light shone a spot light on a large skunk coming out of the bag and David later told me that it gave him a look that said, "WHAT?" and then waddled away into the forest. David picked up the bag, which was rich with a skunky odor and took it to the recycling bin, which we should have done the night before but we were lazy. Then he washed his hands in the tap by the washrooms and came back under the light of the moon. The kids slept through the whole thing and the next morning listened to the story with regret that they hadn't seen another wild creature.

Well the whole point of this post is not to bash those who choose a different camping experience (and thank heavens we all want something different in life) but to note the difference in various life choices.The contrast if you will. The bottom line is: did I have a great camping experience with my family? YES! It was amazing. Our best EVER!, especially since it didn’t take a lot of effort to plan or unpack from and it certainly didn’t cost us anything since we had invested in our two tents years ago along with our sleeping bags.

Here's a glimpse into some of our camping memories:

Sometimes all you need is a log....Kathryn found her's

Victoria posing for the camera before crashing into the lake....thank heavens the girls are good swimmers this year!

David and Will returning from their long voyage....Will swam in beside the boat...check out how smoky it is...camp fires burning in the interior of our Province but really impacted our air quality

We grabbed a few pool toys before we left home and the kids enjoyed just floating

William and Grace just talking at the camp fire...albeit no camp fires this summer

Grace snaps a photo of us sitting on a log...our nature trail hike

Most teenagers would hate no showers for days but Grace was a good sport about roughing it

The kids were excited about the fungus they found on this tree....reminded them of the fungus we found on the trees on Vancouver Island last summer

Our kids can find ice cream miles away...this floating store rented boats, sold fishing tackle AND ice cream!!!

So now that we are back from holidays I've been reflecting on the stuff we surround ourselves with....

Less stuff, more life is my motto!

While we were gone, our older son's who had to work, held down the fort and cared for our cat and the chickens...Ryuuki our Siamese is so happy that we are home. Watching cats will give you a clue to living the good life....they nap a lot!

Other than having a great camping holiday, the interesting spin off when we returned was recognizing the contrast between a simple outdoor life and returning to a house full of stuff. Upon returning, after a great night's sleep in my comfy bed, I was tempted to throw myself into a massive declutter project, I resisted. Instead, we are focusing on building a rock wall in our backyard. (I'll write about that in my next post) Also, I want to just enjoy the beautiful weather and the few weeks I have with the kids at home. We are not a homeschooling family, although we certainly have not taken the summer off and working with our children on their reading, writing, math, music, drawing, painting, and doing summer activities, like tennis and swimming has filled up our days. Grace is currently doing her Bronze Cross course at our recreation center, I've been doing yoga classes whenever I have some free time (bringing Grace too) and William starts cello camp next week. Our days are full! All the more reason to surround ourselves with less...

Less time maintaining and cleaning everything, less stress worrying about things breaking and having to replace them (with a family of 8 kids, something is always breaking or falling apart) Less time making choices, and of course that means...less stress in life. More time and energy to do what we love. Also, this year I would really like to make little differences in the community and how can I do that if I'm always cleaning or organizing what we own?

So as soon as the kids are back in school, I'm throwing myself into my decluttering project. 

Besides, it's  been awhile since I did a thorough cleaning and decluttering job, and well things accumulate even if you are careful with what you are bringing into the house. .

If you are walking a similar path as I, or are interested in letting go of some of your stuff for a richer life, you may be interested in a book that I've been reading since returning home.  It's Joshua Becker’s new book called, “The More of Less” (Finding the life you want under everything you own)

It talks about how Joshua got on the minimalist path to begin with, like his first book, but gives more wise advice how to get off the materialist path and back into really living fully

Don't carry what you don't need, in your pocket, in your home, in your heart

There were certainly more of these little guys everywhere than less....but the little kids were so happy to see them popping up and smiling for the camera

Before I close I wanted to link Joshua Becker's Youtube video titled, "The More of Less." Check it out and maybe like me, once summer fades away, you will join me in moving room to room in your home and make some choices on what you want to surround yourself with.  Isn't life about living and not accumulating?

Until we meet again, may you be well, happy and peaceful.

Blessings from Hope