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| One morning I had the little girls do a photo shoot..this is Victoria Hope with Mr. Nutcracker |
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| And Kathryn Mira...she was trying on several dresses as you will see |
Also, I spent most of December in a shadow of gloom which causes writer's block for me. Even if I had time or energy to write, I didn't have any spirit to do so.
It all started with the things that had been breaking down in our household (zippers, dryers, furnaces...see previous blog) in the fall and then just as December started to unfold, I broke one of my back molars eating popcorn. I was hoping our dentist could repair my tooth but the first words out of his mouth after looking into mine were, "you are going to need a crown." Which I knew meant, anything we had squirreled away to give the children an awesome Christmas was going to be residing in my mouth. At least I would be able to eat turkey dinner.
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| I'm so glad that I saved a few of Grace's fancy dresses as the little girls had fun dressing up on this photo shoot |
As upbeat and hopeful as I am, most of the time, I have my moments of sadness and often the holidays trigger my lack of faith in the greater good. This year, I was recalling the dream I held close to my heart last Christmas. We had just toured a beautiful Christmas tree farm for sale and D had said, as soon as the New Year began, we would work really hard to get our house on the market so we could sell it and purchase "my" dream home/acreage. But, things didn't work out that way. For one reason or another, by the time we did have our house ready for the market, the Christmas tree farm had finally sold.
I was sad that my life wasn't where I had imagined it to be this holiday season. I really do believe, that when we put our attention and focus on ANYTHING, that is what will manifest in our life. It's after all, the Universal law of attraction. And yet, this Christmas my faith was shaken. How could I feel hopeful about the future when my dream from this past year had not come true? And now, as I write these words, it is so obvious that what continued to show up for me once I started feeling blue, was more feelings of lack. A lack of faith, trust and belief.
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| All these feelings, despite the fact that this BELIEVE sign sits above me daily in my kitchen...why I didn't look up a bit more during the holiday, I don't know. We should all keep our head up! |
One night when D and I were on our way to the mall with a bundle of Christmas Wish letters stuffed in my purse from our children, I broke down. I let my sorrow pour out, telling him that I felt so bad about my tooth and wondered aloud how we were going to make everyone's dreams come true on our budget. (not to mention my lack of faith) He didn't have a solution but reminded me that Christmas wasn't about commercial gifts. (I should have known that!) Around this time, I spoke with a dear friend one day after we had each dropped our little ones off at preschool. We go back quite a ways and have both experienced the sadness of infertility...and now here we are with our daughters in preschool together. (that should have been miracle enough!....hello!)
I was feeling really bad that we may not be able to contribute to the preschool's fundraiser and their December donation request for contributions as of yet and further to that, Harrison's band teacher had just made a rude comment about the small poinsettia order we had placed for the jazz band's fundraiser. I was feeling really stretched and vulnerable.
It was my dear friend, whose own husband has had a precarious work situation all fall, who inspired me to look at the bigger picture. She said, "at least we aren't sitting helplessly beside our sick child at the Children's hospital and we certainly weren't homeless." As I left her to go to the mall to find stocking items, I pondered her words. She was so right. We had a warm home, food to eat and I was grateful that all our children were healthy.
| We were blessed this Christmas to be able to send a few shoe boxes filled with gifts via Samaritan's purse...I wish we could have watched the children's faces as they opened the things Grace and Will carefully selected for them. |
Amongst the flurry of activities in December, there were moments of pure bliss. And not surprising, they had NOTHING to do with the whole commercialized aspect of the holidays. One moment, was sitting through a basketball tournament where our son Harrison's team did not win any games. They came close but didn't win once. They never gave up heart though and played with all they could to the bitter end. When our son accepted the tournament's all star award for his team, I couldn't have been prouder than if their team had come first place. It wasn't about winning or losing, it truly was about how they played the game. That buoyed my spirits.
They were boosted further when Clark got a call from the Science Centre, where he works through the school year, to say that he had won a turkey. Hmmm, we didn't even know we were in the running.
Then there was the moment I was sitting in the front row of the audience and watching our daughter, Grace perform the lead acting and singing role in her school's Christmas concert. The play was called, "The Holly and the Ivy," and she played Holly Day. Holly, wanted to be a deputy Santa, with the hopes of being the REAL Santa one day. In the play, she experienced gender discrimination and fought to teach others to accept differences and recognize everyone's mutual strengths. Her voice was clear and strong as she sang, "A heart full of love." In that moment, with tears in my eyes, I thought the Christmas message doesn't get any clearer than that...it's about treating others with love and kindness, being accepting and having eternal hope. At moments like this, I wondered if the whole play had been orchestrated and my daughter chosen to play the lead, just so I got the message.
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| Grace before her piano concert...she was our Christmas baby in 2002..reminding me to believe in dreams |
Then D and I shared a magical afternoon as we headed up to the mountains to search for our family's Christmas tree. We were unable to take the family this year since we don't have a roof rack on our new van and there was no way to put a tree in the back portion of the van since the little ones have their car seats safely fastened in the rear. We decided to drive our new little Honda Fit up the mountains one Sunday afternoon before Christmas. The kids were contentedly watching a Christmas movie and besides, I think a "real" tree was more my thing than theirs. After all, we did have several artificial trees throughout our house, all various sizes and the little ones had helped me decorate a few of the trees earlier in December.
So D and I headed up the valley, and turned onto a road that eventually becomes a forest service road, where it is legal to remove Christmas trees. D was a bit reluctant, since he had traveled to Vancouver and back the day before, picking up our son, Mitchell, from the Vancouver Island ferry as his first University term was finally over. D had traveled 900 kilometres in one day, so being back behind the wheel wasn't really how he wanted to spend the rest of his weekend. Not to mention, the last time we went tree hunting in the forest he seemed to remember sparse trees so he wasn't very optimistic that we would find anything. On top of that, was the fact that our little Honda Fit wasn't exactly the front wheel drive sleigh we were driving during our last visit to the woods. I, on the other hand, was adamant I would not purchase a real Christmas tree since my dream to have a Christmas tree farm had not come true this past year. I wanted to cut my own tree and not spend any money doing it. We worked our way up the mountain with our little car, the air growing colder every mile. In the valley we hadn't had more than a skiff of snow but as we climbed higher the snow lay deeper and the trees glistened with heavy blankets of white.
It seemed like forever before we came to the forest service sign and snow started to softly fall. Other than a few four wheel drive vehicles, it felt like we were all alone in the forest. Since we had left quite late in the afternoon, the sky was darkening. I had visions of being stuck on the side of the road and I regretted not packing a thermos of hot cocoa, some snacks and a blanket...until we turned a corner in the road and then I saw it. Like that moment in the movie, "Christmas Vacation," when the Griswold family comes upon their tree for the first time and it's lit up and angels are singing, I knew our tree had been found.
There wasn't a break in the clouds and music playing but the tree appeared illuminated nonetheless. Even D saw it. Since it was on the opposite side to where we were driving, D slowly did a U turn further up the road and as we started to move back in the direction of the tree, we jumped as a loud blast broke through the forest silence and we were further shocked to see a sanding truck thundering towards us. It was scary how quickly that truck came upon us.
For a moment I had visions of us on the evening news with the headlines,"Local couple and parents to 8 children, who were up in the mountains looking for a Christmas tree, were killed by a sanding truck." I know, morbid hey? Thankfully, D's reactions were quick. He put on his right signal light, and easily pulled over to the edge of the narrow road just as the truck barreled past us, making our little car shake. D put on the hazard lights, grabbed his saw and jumped out of the car. I was still in shock over how close we had come to having an accident. It felt mystical how we were spared. By the time I opened my door, D had climbed up the slight incline, moving through the snow and was already assessing the tree. I joined him still wondering how he could just move on from that close call. I felt like something amazing had just occurred and as I looked around, everything seemed more intense and heightened. The air was crisper, the silence deeper, the forest around us felt sacred.
The tree was enchanting. It was the perfect height for our family room and nicely full. I could just imagine it in our house decorated with the children's homemade ornaments and popcorn strings. I had saved some dried baby's breath from my garden and thought that would give it a whimsical look as the white lights twinkled. As I got closer to the tree though and actually felt the branches, I had a moment where I just wanted to turn around and go home, leaving it to grow another year in the forest. I knew that if we cut it down, it would not be a home for birds, or a refuge for little animals on the coldest of days. It's beauty would be enjoyed only for a few weeks, camouflaged beneath our ornaments. Then D asked me if this was the one and I just nodded and said, "it's perfect!"
The next thing I knew, we were lifting it into the back of the little Honda Fit and the top of it was
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| Our beautiful tree 2014 |
hanging out of the car at least 4 feet. As we slowly drove down the mountain, the snow glowed white as the skies drew a dark purple curtain over the valley below. The one benefit of the sanding truck was that he had started to spread dirt as soon as he passed us, so our drive down the mountain wasn't as precarious as D feared as the road was getting icier. As we drove along the country road in our bright red Honda sleigh, I thought we must be a sight for sore eyes with our tree hanging out the back of the car. Inside, both D who had been chatty on the drive up the hill, were suddenly quiet, immersed in our own thoughts. The smell of fresh fir filled our nostrils and for the first time it felt like Christmas. When the kids heard us come home, they piled out of the house to see our new tree and I was just so happy to see their beautiful faces.
The final magical thing that happened this Christmas was that somehow we were able to give our children everything they had asked for on their wish list. As I was telling my sister J, and brother-in-law B, who popped in this afternoon for a New Year's Eve visit, Christmas ended up being a bit like Jesus's loaves and fishes story. There was enough for everyone. Enough for our children, enough for the places we wanted to donate, and even bigger dreams came true when D came home with a small bonus from his office. Why did I ever doubt? Have I not been blessed, time and time again? There is ALWAYS, always, ENOUGH!!!
Of course the Christmas story is the BIG one this time of year (and Will loved to remind his little sisters that Santa isn't in the word, Christmas...(I should have been listening to him!)
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| This is the manger, my Dad made over 50 years ago...this Christmas it sat on the dresser in my bedroom...reminding me of what the season is about.....gifts of love. |
....but for me this year...the loaves and fishes story was also huge....in case you have forgotten, here's how it goes, ...
Matthew 14:13-21New International Version (NIV)
Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand
13 When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. 14 When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.15 As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.”
16 Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.”
17 “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered.
18 “Bring them here to me,” he said. 19 And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. 20 They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. 21 The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children.
After setting up our real Christmas tree in the family room that Sunday night before Christmas and decorating it with the kids the following day, (and not even saying anything when they only decorated the top three feet of the tree and often put a dozen ornaments on the same branch) I started seeing clearly all the goodness in my life.
Our fishes and loaves stretched beautifully. Again and again little miracles kept happening. As I looked down the pew, where our family sat enjoying our church's Christmas Eve candlelight service, I felt an enormous sense of peace and bliss. The season of love and light was upon me and I realized that just like the first Christmas when Jesus was born in a simple stable, it was the smallest things that held the most joy for me this season. Sitting together with all of my family in one place and knowing, Alyssa was also being cared for in the U.K. by a dear, kind cousin J (my Dad's first cousin) and her generous family, well what more could I ask for than that? I was filled with peace and bliss
And now I will share a few Christmas moments with you....bliss abounds.
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| On Christmas morning, to allow the older kids to blissfully sleep in longer, we got the little ones bathed and ready for the day...hence all dressed up...it was hard to drag out the morning as they were so excited to see what was in their stockings |
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| Finally, they are in the family room....Harrison and Grace are still in their Christmas Eve P.J's |
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| I'm showing this picture as our cats were lingering in the back,looking for their share of the fishes and loaves...yes even miracles stretch for kitties and they received treats too. The little girls had asked for dolls as well as a kitty for Kate, and Victoria had asked for a puppy. When I found these dolls holding a kitty and a puppy, I thought I had struck gold! This is what I mean about everything working out perfectly. |
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| Harrison's basketball team are called the Lakers...since we live near a lake I guess...he was thrilled when we found this hat for him |
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| Grace desperately needed socks this Christmas and she was very blessed because even her Auntie must have mysteriously got a hold of the wish list...she is laughing as she opens a second package with socks...warm feet, warm heart! |
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| Mitchell is just happy to be home from University...there is nothing like moving away from home to make you appreciate the littlest things |
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| Clark's boots got a hole in them right before Christmas...we were not going to get him new boots but when we found these on a "deal"....like they were meant for him...we bought them and they fit perfectly..he was overjoyed! |
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| Will asked for a telescope, a watch and a yo yo this Christmas....he was thrilled to be looking at the heavens |
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| Here's Clark, our oldest son setting up Will's telescope late in the day on Christmas and giving the kids some astronomy tips |
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| I stopped between mashing potatoes and making gravy to snap this picture on Christmas day...it was blissful |
Another magic moment came when it started to snow after Christmas. It has been an unseasonably warm fall and early winter and it's almost unheard of in these parts not to get a good dump of snow by Christmas. Then, it started to fall gently, enveloping our little town with a white, peaceful blanket and a few days after Christmas we had enough for the kids to go sledding and making forts in our yard.Will was thrilled since he received a new sled for Christmas.
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| Here's a picture of the kids outside today...on New Year's Eve 2014 |
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| And what's great about going outside...coming in for hot cocoa and watching the movie, "Frozen" |
And so those were a few of my Christmas 2014 memories. Last Christmas, when D and I were out doing a marathon holiday shopping fest, I was absolutely exhausted and desperately needed to eat and drink something. Unlike most people, over the holidays I usually lose 5 or so pounds since I'm so busy. I swear that having a bunch of kids is a weight loss program, especially at Christmas, (who knew, maybe more people will have a large family now) so I probably hadn't eaten much on that day. We were in my favourite store, "Chapters," where there is also a Starbucks located inside.
I'm not a coffee drinker. Never have been and was planning to steer myself through a lifetime of "not" getting addicted to the brown stuff but that night, I needed something and the deep, rich smell of coffee was enticing. I was going to order a herbal tea but then I was lured by the lovely sounds of an eggnog latte. In addition, since they were about to close up the store, they offered some free cranberry bliss bars on the house. Well, normally I don't indulge in too many sweets but I was starving and needed a serious sugar boost, so we gratefully accepted the free bars and took our drinks.
Well I should have been more wary of becoming a coffee addict since my mother LOVED it and I know most of the world also enjoys it. I thought I was strong enough to have one cup and then return to my tea habit but nope. It turns out that if there is eggnog AND coffee in the house, I will be drinking it...and lots of it. I still mainly drink tea but at Thanksgiving time, I'm all about pumpkin spice lattes and during the Christmas holiday season, it's all about eggnog lattes.....
Also, as if that wasn't bad enough, I'm also an absolute steadfast fan of Cranberry Bliss bars. If you have not tried these....oh for heaven sakes, you haven't known bliss.
So even though our family has a recipe book full of our Christmas favourites, I want to share my recipe for Cranberry Bliss bars and Eggnog lattes with you. Last year I tried various recipes and this is my favourite......I hope it will become a family favourite for you too.
Now, when I get up in the morning, the first thing I ask D to do, is make a full coffee pot, so I can drink them all day. Yes, I will have to start doing my green drinks and my juicing in the New Year....but for now, I'm going to enjoy what I call, holiday bliss, I hope you will join me.
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| Oh, Alyssa, I wish you were here this Christmas...you LOVE CRANBERRIES....this is for you dear daughter and for all my blog buddies who haven't tried these...YET! |
Cranberry Bliss Bars
Ingredients
Cake Base:
- 1 cup butter, softened
- 1¼ C brown sugar, packed
- 3 eggs
- 1 tsp ground powder ginger
- 1 tsp vanilla
- ¼ tsp salt
- 1½ C flour
- ¼ C minced dried cranberries
- ¼ C quality white chocolate. I used a Lindt white chocolate bar, coarsely chopped
- ¼ C minced candied ginger
Frosting:
- 4 oz. cream cheese, softened
- 1½ C powdered sugar
- 2 Tbsp butter, softened
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 1 tsp grated orange rind
Drizzle:
- 2 Tbsp minced dried cranberries
- ⅓ C white chocolate, melted
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease a 9 x 13 pan
- Beat together butter and sugar and then add eggs and vanilla beating until light and fluffy
- Add flour, powdered ginger and salt
- Beat well
- Fold in the cranberries, chocolate chunks and minced candied ginger
- Spread batter in pan and bake for about 20-25 minutes or until light golden brown
- After cake cools, mix all frosting ingredients together and spread over top of cake
- Sprinkle with minced cranberries
- Use a cake decorating bag of melted chocolate with a small round decorating tip to drizzle the chocolate over the cake
- Cut into triangles...or bars...your choice but I like the look of triangles
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| I like to cut them into triangles but warning these are really rich...oh I love the ginger in them, yummy! |
And to accompany the perfect Christmas treat....an eggnog latte
Holiday Eggnog Latte
Ingredients
- 2 shots espresso OR ½ cup of double/triple concentrated coffee
- ⅔ cup eggnog
- ⅓ cup milk
- sugar...to taste
- optional whipped cream and nutmeg
- Variation: If you want to make this as an evening cocktail, add a shot of rum.
Instructions
- Pour espresso/concentrated coffee into a mug and add steamed eggnog/milk mixture.
- If you prefer your eggnog latte sweeter, add a little sugar.
- Top off with whipped cream and a pinch of nutmeg.
- *If you don't have an espresso machine, do what I do most often. Just warm your eggnog/milk mixture in the microwave. Cook times may vary but I prefer heating mine for 2 minutes.
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| I love Starbucks Christmas blend...but any medium roast coffee is great for your latte |
This is bliss in my house....happy holidays!
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| Another special moment...once Mitchell came home for Christmas we had our annual photo shoot at our local Super Store....this year we got out in record time and everyone was smiling...gotta love that! |
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| Here is a picture of the twins, "they always have each other's back" wearing their beautiful plaid dresses |
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| Although this picture didn't turn out..I had to show it to you...this was the holiday cards we sent out..note the Christmas tree on the card...very meaningful this year |
So that is a wrap dear blog friends and family. If I have learned ANYTHING at all this year...it is to believe in magic and miracles...because again and again they keep appearing in my life. I hope your upcoming year is full of what your heart desires.
Bliss at the very least.
Here's an appropriate song for the occasion, "The Last Goodbye" sung by Billy Boyd, from the third Hobbit movie, (we went last night and I thought it was the perfect song as we say goodbye to 2014)
Good bye 2014
And.....
May all your wishes and dreams come true.
Until we meet again, may you be well, happy and peaceful.
Blessing from Hope
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