'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down
where we ought to be,
and when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gained
to bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,
to turn, turn, will be our delight
till by turning, turning we come round right.
Words: Shaker song, eighteenth century
I'm emerging from the depths of decluttering, to say Hi and to share a few thoughts. First, de-cluttering is hard. At least, that's what it feels like as I move room to room, paring down our stuff, while humming the above Shaker song and also continuing to keep all the balls of normal life up in the air. Continuing to be there for our kids; feeding them, keeping them in clean clothes, making sure they are on top of their homework and all the upcoming events that are in line, from a swimming competition this weekend to yet another basketball tournament, an upcoming piano and voice festival and finally a music exam.
Tonight when my 12 year old daughter asked, "Mom, when are you going to change my sheets?...it's been like 3 weeks!" Well, first it hasn't been three weeks, two at the most and I replied, "don't you go to bed clean every night after your nightly bath?" Just saying. It's hard keeping the train rolling, while taking time to chuck off certain items to lighten our load.
I'm happy to say, that this week I took a car load of "stuff" to our local charity organization and another load to the dump, While 90% of the dump load was garden waste from debris I couldn't cram into my compost bins, it was still letting go of stuff. Believe me, I had thoughts of hoarding those wonderful bags of leaves and garden waste, etc. but one can only keep so many bags of decomposing debris without neighbours starting to look at your stock pile with wonder. Besides, our district chips up all the garden waste and turns it into mulch, so that trip made me feel okay. Still, there are heaps of things to go through and spring is flying by. I just came in from outside and noticed that there are little buds on the forsythia tree and that is the first sign of spring in our area.
| Spring is here when the forsythia tree next to our House blooms...it will be early this year |
I'm so proud that this month, I found an e book AND an audio book on line, so I didn't have to purchase a new book and then decide what to do with it. Even though this is a great read, it's one that I don't think I would want to own and I certainly don't need another book to sort through. Being frugal, sustainable, and with a minimalistic mindset makes me so thrilled. It's these little steps I'm taking, that keep me believing it's possible for us to downsize, enjoying more life with less stuff.
I thought the message from the book was also timely, as the story of Buddha's life reinforces my minimalistic path and the belief that everything we need to be happy is within us at all times. Part of the suffering we experience on this earth has to do with material possessions, wanting to own them, taking care of them, letting go of them, etc. Why do we put ourselves through that?
When I think about how diverse this blog post already is it makes me laugh. First, I start my post with a picture of a farm house which to me says, "peaceful times." Anyone that has a tire swing in their yard knows how to enjoy the sweetness of just swinging through life. Then I have the lyrics to the Shaker's little hymnal, "Tis a Gift to be Simple." Finally, I bring in thoughts about Buddha. But you know what? All life is tied together. Everything is connected. We have fought wars on this earth because of differences in beliefs, opinions and the ludicrously is, we are all talking the same truth but get caught up in semantics.
But that is a philosophical discussion for another time, however some of the ideas that Buddha presented, is certainly appropriate for my minimalistic mindset towards simplicity. As you know, I've been talking about de-cluttering and I have to tell you how my husband and I are approaching the task is totally different. It's interesting really, since he is a very focused, get one job at a time done person and I am used to multi-tasking. Wars have not been fought thankfully because, we are after all moving in the same direction but we have had to discuss how that is going to look.
For instance, my husband wants to go into a room and get rid all the superfluous items. He feels that would be the most efficient approach. HOWEVER, I want to go into a room and sort through our stuff, while cleaning the items that are to be kept, along with doing any repairs to the room itself. ie; paint inside the cupboards in our family room before putting the toys, CD's back (although I'm still debating on whether we even need CD's any longer now that we have our i Pods and download any music we want) but you get the idea.
What we have decided to do for now is divide and conquer. He has tackled the garage and the den so far and I have done our laundry room and kitchen....well, I'm still working in the kitchen. I was listening to the audio book of Siddhartha while I was cleaning the drawers last night. Did you know you could listen to a piece of classic literature or even learn a whole new language while cleaning and de-cluttering. Amazing!
It can be done!
We are making some headway though and a few thoughts have come to light which I wanted to share with you if you are starting on this journey too. It's one thing to get down to sifting through the stuff and deciding what is going to be kept, donated, recycled or thrown away...but it's the stuff with emotions where it really gets hard.
If you have a partner, discuss how de-cluttering looks to them. How do they want to tackle the task and what is the time frame they see as being appropriate for such a feat. You have to set limits and really limits are what minimalism is all about isn't it? In all aspects of our life, how much stuff you need around you, how many commitments you are willing to take on, how much food you want to eat, how much exercise. Well, it's all a decision of what feels right for you so that you can maximize your enjoyment of life.
Some compromises may be required.
This takes me back to a story my mom used to lament over. It was a time when my Dad took a load of stuff to the dump without her consideration. There were things he threw out that bothered her for a long time.
One, was a beautiful wicker, antique doll buggy. She loved it and sadly Dad didn't think of it as special or antique. He just saw it as clutter and old when he took it to the dump. (now since I wasn't ever able to check that out with my dad that is just an assumption from what my mother relayed to me)
In my childhood memory banks, I recall fondly wearing long dresses and cast off, high heeled shoes and pushing my babies around the yard in this buggy. Maybe, since I was her youngest, holding onto this buggy represented holding onto having babies and young children.
This story touched me so deeply that when our oldest daughter was little, I started looking for a wicker buggy to give her. I finally found one and sewed bedding for the buggy and found the perfect baby doll to put inside. The Christmas that Alyssa was 2 3/4 years old, not only did she receive this new buggy and baby doll, but 5 days before Christmas her new baby brother, Clark arrived. When he was newborn we used to put him in the wicker buggy and push him around.
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| Here's the wicker doll buggy that I bought for Alyssa's Christmas present 22 years ago. She was also a new big sister that Christmas to her baby brother, Clark. We were shocked when we heard, "It's a Boy." (in those days they didn't tell you the gender before birth) and we had to scramble for a bit to find a perfect name for our new son. He carries my maiden name, "Clark"...since my Dad had passed away and had had only daughters. (as if that isn't enough but in those days carrying a name forward was important...in some cultures it may still be that way.) We thought it would be a tribute to give our first son, my Dad's surname. ANYWAY....the name we had chosen for our planned second daughter was given to Alyssa's doll, who is still in the buggy to this day...."Chelsea Anne." |
Guess what? 22 years later, we still have this buggy...but now I have to decide what to do with it. Do I keep it for Alyssa who has assured me that children are not in her future. She never was the baby doll type of person anyway and although she liked her brother just fine, she really wasn't impressed with his baby years...or the 6 other siblings that followed afterwards. The little girls are currently playing with the buggy and love to push Chelsea Anne around but there will come a time when we have to decide...."what do we do with the buggy?"
Anyway, I digress AGAIN, the point is, I now understand why Dad took that old buggy to the dump and I'm sure it wasn't in the kind of condition that our wicker buggy is currently in. It takes a lot of energy to decide what to do with our belongings, when we do decide to let them go....maybe the dump wasn't the best place for that old buggy, but Dad didn't have tons of time to carefully weigh the options and in those days there weren't the places there are today to recycle and appreciate old things. Everyone in those days had old stuff. He did what he needed to do to create more space in our small home so that we could live a richer life. Thanks Dad for teaching me that lesson by example.
It wasn't long after this, that my Dad was killed in a truck accident and a year after he passed away, my mom moved us out of our hometown of Hope, leaving my 2 oldest sisters to stay in our home until it sold. (One sister had graduated and had started working at the local bank and the other sister was left to finish high school in the town she had grown up in) I was too young to remember how mom moved us but she had to deal with all our stuff somehow. She remained a bit of a collector all her life, although I won't say she was a hoarder because she kept everything looking very nice but in some circles, they would say she had problems with letting go of material things. I think that was quite common when you came from the depression era though. Books were one since she loved to read. Sentimental items were another. Tough stuff.
I know how I view our belongings is shadowed by how my parents dealt with their stuff. With this in mind, I was VERY conscious of how I approached my twin daughters the other day when I asked them to come and look at a basket, over flowing with stuffed animals. I talked to them about how they had so many lovies in the basket that you couldn't even see them all. We talked about how they didn't play with most of them and I told them about other children in the world, who didn't have any lovies at all. I asked them if they felt they could part with any of them. "Which ones are your absolute favourites?" I asked.
Of course, since they are three, four in May, every single lovie was special. I was very careful in helping them choose their favourites. We took time to eliminate the ones they didn't have a connection with. I asked them if they thought they could say good bye to the ones that weren't as special and we could give them to other children to love. They nodded their heads solemnly. We kept the bunnies, since the girls were born in the year of the rabbit (Chinese zodiac) and bunnies happen to not only be a favourite of their's but I know if my mom were alive, she would have said, "oh keep the bunnies."
And that brings me to another story from my mother's childhood. She was a child during the depression but her family was fortunate to live on a farm and they had chickens and rabbits. She loved the bunnies and for a long time, didn't make the connection that often after having a delicious Sunday dinner of "chicken," one of her bunnies would coincidentally go missing. I think one of her older brothers finally clued her in...boys!
So we kept the bunnies in the basket but several other non-describt lovies made it to the give a way box. After a final farewell, I moved them quickly out to the garage since I knew if the girls saw them again, they would suddenly feel they would HAVE to sleep with one or all of them that night.
So with another week almost behind me on my minimalism journey, I have a few more tips to share.
Be considerate with your spouse regarding how they are letting go of their possessions. We all have a past and it's good to be gentle and give others space to let go in their own time. That the truth for them is the same truth for you, but it may just look different. Compromise with compassion. (this from Buddha's teachings...the compassion part and a reminder that we are all connected....and perfect just as we are)
And if you have children, get them involved and help them to see that letting go isn't painful but can be enlightening. Can be filled with joy. Hopefully, they can carry some wonderful childhood memories down the road to pass on to their children and it will look like this; People, not things are important. Happiness is within, memories are not in our belongings. They are in our hearts.
Well, I will close but I wanted to share my recipe for Date Squares before I say good night....for yes, it is now evening.
This is my mom's recipe. I have tried to make it exactly how she did over the years but it never tastes exactly the same. I don't know what she did differently...maybe it was just the love she put into each pan. You know how things always taste better when they are made just for you? Maybe it was in the actual tin pan that she cooked her squares in (old, dark and well used) and I use a glass pan? Maybe the quality of ingredients is different but it's still an amazing recipe.
So Mom and Dad, this is for you. "I'm laying up my treasures in heaven" and all that but until then, I'm making date squares and remembering you both with love.
Ethel's Date Squares
or what she liked to call her Matrimonial Cake
Ingredients
2 cups rolled oats
2 cups flour...for a great texture use 1/2 white and 1/2 whole wheat
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup butter
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
2 tsp cinnamon (this is my addition...my mom didn't use this)
pinch of salt
Filling
1 pound of dates
2 cups of water
1/2 cup of orange juice....or do what I do and juice a whole orange
pinch of salt
orange rind...about 1 tbsp
Directions
Put all the filling ingredients into a medium saucepan and bring to a rolling boil. Turn down to a simmer for about 20 minutes and then take a potato masher and break the dates so the mixture is smooth and thick. Turn off the heat and let the filling thicken while you are making the bottom and top layer.
In a large bowl, add all the dry ingredients. Add cut up butter (best if the butter is cold) then with a pastry mixer or two knives, continue to cut the butter into the mixture until it's all well combined.
Press 1/2 of the flour/butter mixture into a 13x9 lightly greased pan. Add and spread all of the filling mixture and finally top it with the other 1/2 of the flour/butter mixture. Pat with a fork.
Bake in an oven 325 degrees if using a glass pan or 350 degrees if using a metal pan. Bake for 30 minutes until the edge is lightly brown.
Let it cool and set and then cut into squares. I usually put 1/2 of these squares into the freezer or they will be gone within the day.....they are really great for book club night meetings too.
For instance, I made this today for my book club meeting and it's almost gone....but oh so good. If you love dates, I hope you will try this recipe and think of my mom who loved bunnies, babies, books, her family...and my Dad. This coming Saturday, will be the 3rd anniversary since Mom passed away. Another reminder how fleeting this earth journey is, and how stuff just isn't important.
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| My mom and Dad and my Dad's fav squares.....served on my mom's Forget Me Not china |
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| What do you do with old recipes written out in your mother's writing? As you can see, I've loved this recipe for years but the recipe card is not my mom...she is in my heart and every time I make this recipe she is telling me the story of how much my Dad loved these squares......they are delicious! |
So as I leave you, with maybe a recipe to try out, or an inspiration to clear out the clutter in your kitchen, (do you really need five spring form pans, as my dear friend K just mentioned she discovered in her kitchen recently?) maybe you can set up your computer in your kitchen and listen to the audio version of the book, "Siddhartha," by Hermann Hesse. Here's the link, if you are interested in listening and remembering that what you think, you become. We all have the seeds of Buddha inside of us. We are all perfect, even as we sit amongst all our stuff. It is a good way to practise the art of letting go gracefully.
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| I wrote this quote on our chalk board for our Siddhartha meeting tomorrow night...."what we think, we become." |
Wish you could join me during our sacred circle book club tomorrow night but maybe you can listen to the story and tell me what you think of this classic little book about Buddha's life.
Until we meet again, may you be well, happy and peaceful.
Blessings from Hope
A final youtube video....the song, "Tis a gift to be simple" by Yo Yo Ma and Alison Krause.....love, LOVE the cello and Alison's voice is beautiful.........good night dear blog friends
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