Happy New Year!
Wow....We are living in 2017! I don't know about you, but I find that remarkable, since last year so many people left this earth....starting with David Bowie and ending with Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds....to name only a few.
I am STILL here to ask the questions but most importantly, to live the answers.
Even though this time of year is dark in my part of the world and we get little sunshine making things sometimes appear gloomier than they are, I try to remember that each day is a miracle.
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| This is the view out the door from my bedroom late in the afternoon...brrrr. it's so cold right now |
I count my blessings and although many days are filled with too much work and responsibility, those who have traveled the road before me, hold up a lantern of light to guide my way and I'm grateful when I awake each morning to take a new breath.
Speaking of a new day, today is my oldest sister B's birthday. Happy Birthday B!!!
I was born in November of 1959 when B was almost 13years old. She has always been my BIG, big sister. She held me as a baby and marveled as I grew. At a time in her life when things were getting hard, you know the early teen years, she said it was nice to come home to a bright eyed baby who didn't have any cares in world.
When I was just little she used to give my mom a break and take me down to the cafe where she worked after school, and she would treat me to french fries and an orange pop. I still love the tangy taste of orange crush. Whenever I had to drink that strong sweet drink when I was pregnant to test for gestational diabetes, the nurses would say, "I know it's really terrible," but secretly I loved the orange syrupy drink. (I never did have gestational diabetes by the way)
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| My big sister, B holding my hands and my other sisters behind, J and C...helping me to transform too |
Oh, and while at the cafe, sipping on my pop and eating fries loaded with ketchup, B would give me some change and let me pick a song from the table top music selection box that would eventually play on the cafe's jukebox. I would ALWAYS pick the song called, "These boots were made for Walking," by Nancy Sinatra. (click on the hyper-link if you can't see below) Have you heard it?....it goes like this.....These boots are made for walking and that's just what I'll do.....la, la, la.....
My sister B has been there for me my whole life. She has always been a bit more than a decade ahead of me, so when I faltered on my own path, I always had someone to look up to and follow. Our Dad died just after B graduated from high school and had started working at the Bank. In the subsequent years it was tough for my mom so B would come and get me in the summertime and let me have a holiday with her and her husband D.
My childhood wasn't the happiest after Dad died but having an older sister who would pop in and out of my life and brighten my days, helped me to hold onto the belief that life wouldn't always be tough.When I think back, it must have been hard for my sister because she was just in her 20's and trying to keep all the balls in the air, while also watching out after me I'm sure was difficult. Wherever B lived, and she and her husband D moved a lot in those early years, she would always find a beach for us to soak up the sun and listen to music. When I smell coconut oil to this day, I'm transported back to the beach blanket we shared, her brightly flowered bikinis, her glistening skin and her coral pink nail polished toes. At the end of the vacation she would take me out shopping for much needed back to school clothes. Ahhhh.....when September rolls around, I still think about how nice it was having a few new outfits to wear to school. When I wore them, I would remember that I was loved.
As I grew into a teen, I saw that her life wasn't easy. She and her husband were having marital problems and then she had a beautiful baby daughter when I was 13 years old, the age she was when I was born. Another generation of women coming to earth.
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| My sister B, her beautiful daughter T, and me in the middle,..we are all 13 years apart and each living a different decade but walking a path towards transformation (We are in the process) |
As I watched her deal with the end of her marriage and saw how hard she worked to support herself and her new baby, I had a glimpse into how my mom had managed after my Dad had died and also understood how I wanted to walk my path. As a strong and resilient woman.
Music was always apart of my memories with B. Check out the four tops, this type of music reminded me of the early days when we lived in Hope and Saturday mornings meant the girls would help mom with the household chores and once they were done they were free for the rest of the day. B said she worked really hard so she could get out of the house but as a little one too small for chores I only remember the music coming from the living room and sometimes the girls taking time out to do the twist on our well worn area carpet.
What I have learned from B, is that life may not always be easy, it can be tough for much of our life but we have to remember to be gentle on ourselves while continuing to put one foot in front of the other, do what needs to be done and remember always who we are and where we come from. We are always in the process of transforming, building character and becoming the people we are meant to be.....oh and something she taught me late in life as I watched her deal with her "stuff,"...learn to let go and laugh, always laugh. "Life's too short!"
A few years ago B came for a visit and one day when we were sitting on my back deck, looking at the beautiful lake, she said to me, "You know, there are days when I look into the mirror and don't recognize the woman I have become."
I know at the time, she was talking about how her body was aging and she was having problems relating to her reflection. As I grow older now, I too have that same sort of displacement of self. It has occurred a few times for me when I'm out in the world with my three younger children and the "are they your grandchildren?" comment arises. I laugh it off but I would really like to say, "we don't all have our children in our 20's or even our 30's. Sometimes we have to transform ourselves before we create our greatest life's work." People wouldn't understand that though as it's just not society's belief or the "norm" for women to have children in their late 40's, 50's and even beyond.
For a bit after hearing such comments, I'm sad. I'm sad that my body and face are changing beyond what I think I should look like, I don't relate to an older me, but then I look at my beautiful older sister, actually I have three to admire, and I see these remarkable, strong, wise, funny, soulful, BEAUTIFUL, engaged women, living rich, full lives and I can look in the mirror and see who I have become. Who I am evolving into. My sisters have held a mirror up for me and I see that growing older is actually the loosening of my earth attachment and growing back into who I really am.
Oh sure, I have moments where I'm very much ego driven, fear led, society pulled. Moments where I lather face cream everywhere and I still highlight my hair to keep the grey at bay, and the grandmother question too, but for the most part I embrace the woman that stares back out through my reflection. .
In the last 10 years, as I've watched my sisters grow older, I didn't just stay stagnant, no I was growing and evolving too. I have been turning away from the world and it's idea of what is beautiful, what is an approved path, and creating a life full of my own longings, my truth and inspiration. A place where I hope the next generation of people can gain the strength to recognize their authentic self earlier than I did, so they have more time to live their dreams and enjoy their life.
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| William and our twins, Victoria on the left and Kathryn on the right, born late in my life |
So Happy 70th Birthday B, You have transformed into your authentic self, I hope you recognize yourself now when you look in the mirror. You illuminate the world with your love, kindness, care and compassion. You are a brilliant spirit in a beautiful earth suit....with~~~~~ WINGS~~~~.
Thanks for helping me see my path clearly too.
"Are you ready boots? Start Walking."
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| These are the boots of my other two sisters, C and J....who also guide me on my path |
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| We are given many opportunities to stamp the ground and create new paths for our sisters to walk....how do you want to walk your path and what are you leaving behind on the trail? |
As I finish my blog I'm singing along with Joe Cocker, "You are so beautiful." Check it out!!!
Until we meet again, may you be well, happy and peaceful.
Blessings from Hope
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