Banana Bread, hope and me

 
                                   What I Know For Sure, is that HOPE sustains us.

Have you been joining Deepak, Oprah and me in the 21 day, "Hope in Uncertain Times." meditation series? If so, I'm so HAPPY! You are probably heightened to how the feelings of hope sustains you in your life. I can't imagine life without it. Doing this meditation series has inspired me to write a little piece on "Hope and Me." (And then share my banana bread recipe with you)

Maybe it will get you thinking about times in your life when hope kept you going.


I grew up in the 60's and 70's; a time when peace marches were common, and a book called, "Silent Spring," by Rachel Carson, ignited the environmental movement like nothing since , "Henry David Thoreau's book "Walden's Pond," which had been published over 100 years earlier. Suddenly, like a tidal wave changing an idyllic landscape after World War two, protests erupted all over the world regarding social issues, environmental concerns and race equality. What lay grounded beneath us all, was a thread of hope that if we all pulled together, we could evoke change.

“Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will ensure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature - the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.” ~Rachel Carson, "Silent Spring"
  

John Lennon's song, "Imagine," was a powerful song for that era, "I hope someday you join us and the world will live as one."



Has a lot changed since then?

Is there still hope in the world?

If you asked my son who has a degree in Environmental Science, you would think all hope is lost.  I think David Suzuki shares his opinion and yet, without hope, what remains? We need to keep believing that what we do makes a difference on this earth.

Is there any other way to live?

 “We stand now where two roads diverge. But unlike the roads in Robert Frost's familiar poem, they are not equally fair. The road we have long been traveling is deceptively easy, a smooth superhighway on which we progress with great speed, but at its end lies disaster. The other fork of the road — the one less traveled by — offers our last, our only chance to reach a destination that assures the preservation of the earth.” ~Rachel Carson, "Silent Spring."


There was a time in my life that felt hopeless but as long as there is life, there is hope. At least we can keep moving in the direction of being conscious of our choices and deciding how we want to live our life. With hope, or without.



So, without further ado, here is my piece called, "Hope and Me." It's a jig saw memoir piece and if you linger afterwards, what goes really well with a little bit of hope? well of course a steaming cup of hot tea and a slice of banana bread still warm from the oven!.

 .............................................................................................................................................................

Hope and Me

Using a well- known quote of Oprah’s, “what I know for sure,” is that, hope sustains us. Somehow, lying, quietly under the surface of my childhood, the seeds of hope survived. A childhood filled with neglect and loneliness. After my father was killed in an Esso truck accident in 1965, when I was five years old, my mother, also left this earth. Oh sure, she was present physically. But my memory of her is as an empty shell, moving gently with the tide of our days. After Dad died, I also lost my safe and comfortable life.

Adding to the grief, a year later we left the only hometown I had known, ironically called, Hope. We also left two of my older sisters; one who was finishing high school and the other who had just started her banking career. My mom, older sister J and I moved to a nearby city called Chilliwack, which was named for the indigenous tribe who originally settled there and in their language it meant, "quieter waters." I'm sure mom wanted us to make a fresh start in a city that didn't know our sorrow, on the shores of a bubbling brook, instead of a river flooded with pain and pity. But a black cloud followed us wherever we went, always threatening to rain tears.

The dark oppressive worry of money hovered overhead as well, and when most children are ignorant of the weight of money, I was acutely aware of its lack. I will never forget when our hot water tank burst and we desperately needed to have it replaced but there was no money for that. My mother’s worried brow covered me in a heavy coat of anxiety. I can remember going to school wondering if others could smell poverty on my skin. Then one night my mom left my sister J and I, to go to bingo with my Auntie Geordie, who was also a struggling single mom. The next morning I found mom humming in the kitchen. She had won the exact amount needed to replace the hot water tank at bingo.



Mom used all her energy to keep the roof over our head, working hard at her hotel front desk clerk position. She often worked the shift that started at 4 pm so she wasn’t there for long when I came home from school and I didn’t see her in the mornings either, since she was sleeping after working the night shift. When she was home, not knowing any other way to engage with her, I would act out or be whiny. It must have been like fingernails on a mother's chalkboard back. She would put up with it to a point and then suddenly without warning, she’d fly out of her carefully, controlled shell and yell, “Debbie, go to your room and don’t come out until you’re going to be happy.”

 As a result, I spent most of my childhood in my bedroom. I would draw pictures of perfect families; starting with a tall Dad and then a bit smaller mom and finally, I would draw children, lots of children; boys and girls and babies, lots of babies. In many of my drawings, looking back at them years later, for my mom saved just about everything, I noticed there was often an angel floating above the families. Was I even conscious of drawing one hovering above at the time?

I remember on several occasions, being sent to my room rather violently, my mom grabbing a piece of my hair and hurtling me towards my bedroom door, which prompted intense feelings of anger and sadness.  Feeling unwanted, I would write long, drawn out goodbye letters, hoping my mom would feel remorseful about pulling my hair once she discovered me gone. Then I would stuff my pillowcase with books, my favourite Suzy Q doll and a small, shabby pink blanket. I would escape through my open window and crawl over to the hydrangea bush in our front yard.

 It was there, in the shelter and shade of that large shrub, that I would sit on my blanket, with Suzy Q by my side and we would be swept away to other worlds reading books. The ground smelled earthy and comforting and when the hydrangea was in bloom, with its large blue lacy like blossoms, I could spend hours under such graceful beauty. Eventually though, hunger would win out and I would crawl back through my window and notice my goodbye note undisturbed. 

 No one has missed me at all.

And such was my childhood. Books helped me escape my loneliness. Sara from, “The Little Princess,” Mary from “The Secret Garden,” and my all- time favourite, “Anne with an e, from Green Gables,” became my closest confidants. Anne said, "Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world." And reading outside in the garden restored my soul, so I could endure life. I hoped that like the delicate hydrangea bush that sheltered me, that my life would one day blossom beautifully.

As I pen this childhood memory, a lifetime has elapsed allowing me to draw on many experiences. In hindsight yes, my childhood was sad and lonely but it’s always been during the darkest moments in my life that I have grown the most. Losing my dad, taught me more about life than a lifetime with him in it. And spending my darkest days under the hydrangea bush inspired a love of gardening. When I’m sad all I have to do is go out into nature and I can find my way home again.

 If I had one of those childhood drawings to show you today, you would see that I am the smiling mom in the picture and beside me is a strong and tall man. My husband David is my oak tree, his branches reach out wide, sheltering me from life’s wind and rain. Above his deep roots, I blossom and thrive and together we provide a safe home for our family to grow. He is dad to our 8 incredible, deeply loved children.

They were with me when I was small, little seeds of hope just waiting underground, lying dormant until the sun warmed the earth. They sustained me.



And my mom you ask, who knew, she was with me always, in the only way that she could be and hope sustained her too. And since she has been gone for 5 years now, I'd like to believe she is the angel watching over me.


What I know for sure is that hope sustains us and I wouldn’t want to live any other way.

............................................................................................................................................The End

Well, that is one of my life pieces and someday, who knows, maybe I can put the whole picture together. Writing this blog has been not just a way to inspire others to look at ways they can live their life more mindfully, but I hope when I share intimate stories like the one above, it also gets others thinking about the dark days in their life and despite it all their roots burrowed deeper, looking for the nourishment of hope, allowing them to blossom into the person they are today.... beautifully.

And what else sustains us? Good comfort food. For me, banana bread has always been right up there on that comfort list. How about you? And recently I made loaf after loaf of it and it was consumed as fast as it was on the cooling racks, so I think I'm not alone in my feelings about it.

The base recipe I use is from my, "Pillsbury Complete Book of Baking." Although I have tried many banana bread recipes, I keep coming back to this one. It always gives me THE PERFECT TEXTURE, that I love in banana bread. A good tip for making great bread is to wait until you have REALLY ripe bananas for great texture and taste. Not always easy in our house as we eat our bananas as fast as they come in but occasionally they do get a few brown speckles on them.

Banana Bread (Note: I double the recipe below and make two loafs as it goes FAST!!!)

Ingredients

3/4 cup sugar

1/2 cup margarine or butter (or sometimes I use coconut oil)

2 eggs

1 cup (2 ripe bananas) mashed bananas

1/3 cup milk (I use almond milk but coconut milk would be great too)

1 tsp vanilla (since I double the recipe, I use 1 tsp vanilla and 1 tsp coconut extract)

2 cups all purpose flour

1/2 cup chopped nuts if desired...I use walnuts and you can throw a handful of coconut in as well

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

Directions

Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease bottom only of 9x5 or 8x4 inch loaf pans. In large bowl, beat sugar and margarine/butter or coconut oil until light an fluffy. Beat in eggs. Add bananas, milk and vanilla. Blend well. In small bowl, combine flour, nuts baking soda, and salt. Mix well. Add to banana mixture; stir just until dry ingredients are moistened. Pour into greased pan.

Bake at 350 F for 50 to 60 minutes or until toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool for 5 minutes then remove from pan. Cool completely, then wrap tightly and store in refrigerator. 

Yields 1 loaf...16 slices. 

(For a variation you can add 1 cup applesauce instead of bananas,and add 3/4 tsp cinnamon with the flour)

These were the first loaves I made recently

I can deal with anything when I have a cup of tea and a slice of banana bread, how 'bout you? 

I made so many loaves that when I made the loaves in this picture, I hardly had any flour left. I only had enough for 2 cups but since I was doubling my recipe, I put 2 cups of oatmeal in the food processor and made 2 cups of oat flour and although it was still delicious...the loaf didn't rise as high.

And for a peak into the homestead; 

What's been happening around here lately?

Lots of juicing

Lots of drinking said juice...almost forgot to snap a picture of this drink...it was so good and almost gone when I remembered to share it with you...the ginger, apples and carrots make it ZING!

The little kids have been building bridges with spaghetti at the Science Centre...I know, William Einstein!

More bridges..this time with marshmallows...Victoria Einstein!

A future structural engineer for sure...less marshmallows, more angles for strength, Kathryn Einstein!

And then the real work of late:

David starting to chain saw our 25 year old plants. If you are wanting to know what the best chain saw is for your homestead, check out this article from Mother Earth News

We are ripping out 25 year old plants from the beds above our pool since the landscape tie wall has deteriorated. Last week, David was chain sawing all the plants and those who were able, (the older boys and I) were hauling them down to our lower lawn area. Since then, we had a wonderful company in to chip the whole works and now this week it's been all about digging up the roots and monster stumps.

Even though our son Harrison had started working at Home Depot part time, he also came out to help every chance he had. The weather has been cloudy, cold and rainy for much of April (In the picture above you can see the wall collapsing.)

Wish I couldn't have kept all chippings from this pile...it would make great mulch for our new beds

Every thing is up, except the stumps...now the real work begins

Our oldest son Clark has been an amazing helper with regards to this project. (I'm thankful he's been going to the gym and lifting weights all winter long!) The next step is taking down the old wall and rebuilding a new one. Then comes the fun part....replanting. This time though we will be planting herbs, some flowers and LOTS of food. I'm probably the only one planting edibles around my pool in our subdivision but it just makes sense if we are going to water anything, that it will be food. Since this area gets hot, hot sun all summer long, I think we will try to grow watermelon, cantalopes and maybe some grapes up the deck support posts.

My sister J came for a visit today, (waving Hi J...you always make my day) and asked what I will use to amend the soil since it's currently not great. I'm going to use the "Back to Eden" gardening method and plan to mulch it heavily with wood chips, amending the soil only around each hole I dig for my plants. The cedar will eventually decompose and thereby improving the soil. Click on the hyperlink above if you want to watch the Back to Eden film.

The next project is also building some raised garden beds in our lower lawn area. The goal is to lose the grass and increase the garden space.We plan to also build 4x4 raised bed for each of the little people. One of our twin daughters, 5 year old Victoria, recently told us that when she grows up she wants to be a farmer so she can feed children all over the world. She heard that children go hungry all over the world and she doesn't understand how that is possible. The solution seems so simple to her; just grow more food. Seems simple to me too. If we all did our part, even in our small backyards, no one would go hungry again.

What are you growing in your back forty this year?

Thanks for coming to visit. I hope something you have read here lifts you up, brightens your day and keeps you focused on your dreams. I told my sister J that I would REALLY like to write happier, more light filled posts and my next one will be that. In my next post, check out the amazing coconut cake I made recently in honour of my sister J's birthday.

 Now that is something to be happy about! Sisters and cake. Oh, there is so much good in the world!

Until we meet again, may hope sustain you, and may you be well, happy and peaceful.

Blessings from Hope

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