At the beginning of the week I was feeling rather blue. I know it had a lot to do with the consumption of sugar from Halloween, which I tried to curtail but in the moment it's fun to try a little of everything from the treat bowl. It takes me right back to my childhood but now I understand how damaging processed sugar is towards our health. It's evil wrapped in brightly coloured packages.
As we ate a few treats with our children, D and I were remembering the little boxes of raisins, the handfuls of peanuts and the apples we would receive during our childhood trick or treat forays. Whatever happened to those? Our kids looked horrified and said, if they received anything like THAT, it would be suspect and they would probably have to throw it out. I was thinking, NOT if we knew our neighbours better. Anyway, this isn't a blog about Halloween treats, but the sugar dump from that occasion prompted my depressed feelings.
Sadly, I kept them growing, (have you ever done this?) by allowing myself to think about both of my parents who are no longer on this earth school. You'd think I'd get used to that loss, after all I have spent most of my life without my Dad physically present and it's been 2 1/2 years since my mom passed away. On special occasions, like Halloween and my birthday week, it doesn't get any easier. Do you know what I mean?
Thankfully, I snapped myself out of my glum at least a bit, by banning the sugar. I took all the kid's Halloween loot and our remaining candy bags that we didn't give out and put it all in the garage. Now you may be thinking, "why did you take the kids candy too?" My response is, because just like clockwork, a few days after the candy gorge, all my little ones, and big ones started to feel yucky. Hmmmm, no wonder. Am I getting any wiser? At the twin's preschool class, after their morning circle time, I heard their teacher asking whether they had any candy left from trick or treating, and one child said they traded in their candy for a toy. What do you think of that?
Anyway, my plan was, we would forget all about the said candy and when we did find the hardened candy bars and stale chip bags the next time my husband did a wood working project, my children (and me) would not find it appealing any longer. Can you compost that stuff? PROBABLY NOT! I transgress.
On Monday, I started my meditation with Dr. Deepak Chopra and Oprah, (are you joining me?) and my first session stirred up some emotions I thought I had let go. The meditation series is called, "The Energy of Attraction." and day one was about the Nature of Desire. The centering thought was, "my life moves forward through desire," and the quote for the day was;
“You are
what your deep, driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your
will is, so is your deed.” ― Brihadaranyaka Upanishad
As I explored my feelings, I realized I was still grieving over the loss of our Christmas tree farm and if my deepest desire wasn't coming true, what did that make me? I had so wanted to be living in the country by this birthday.
So Tuesday started with me being rather glum again, until I found my sister C at my doorstep with hugs, kind words and a lovely lavender coloured bag heavy with birthday surprises. She also brought a few keepsakes that belonged to my father and mother. She had kept them all this time and wanted me to have them. Although she was with me only a short time on Tuesday, the connection was sweet, loving and meaningful. (thank you C)
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| My sister C said that since I was writing, (and our daughter Alyssa too...check out her Introvert in the Corner blog) perhaps I would like our Dad's typewriter (he was a writer as well) and a few of our mother's beloved books. Perfect for reading by the fire throughout the winter. After C left, I place them on mom's Hope chest in our Den, under our family portraits with a little angel between them. |
I felt so buoyed by her impromptu visit, that I decided to step outside of my comfort zone and join a meditation support group that was held at our local library Tuesday night. I felt safe very quickly and the evening was wonderful and restorative, but L O N G. We sat in a circle and during our second meditation session, I sensed rainbow filled light energy slowly circling around us and above us, creating a tunnel with vibrating, coloured light and at the top was brilliant white light.
Before the session was over, the newcomers continued to meditate, while the regulars in the group, laid hands on our heads with silent blessings. Before the first hands were felt on my head, there was a soft rush of warm air and the feeling of peace.
It was an amazing experience, until I went to get up. After sitting cross legged for almost 2 hours of meditating, chanting and discussing experiences that brought us joy, my right foot had gone totally numb. When I went to stand, my foot didn't move and as I looked down at my non functioning appendage, it appeared to resemble a rubber fake foot, totally disengaged from my leg. Ahhhhh! Looking back it was so funny, but in the moment I thought I would never walk again.
After that Tuesday night meditation session, my week got even better. On Wednesday, I remembered how blessed I was to have a best friend in T as I sent her a birthday card and wrote a blog post about our friendship . How can we ever stay in a place of sadness when we start to count our blessings. Thanks mom for that lesson and to you, T for being my dearest friend.
Then on Thursday morning, D came home to watch the little girls, while I attended the PAL's kindergarten program, where parents are inspired to assist their young learners towards literacy, numeracy etc. I came home excited to rearrange our family room, so our children could access the various play things we had in our home. They just needed to be organized to a degree where they were readily accessible. As I worked away, before the older kids came home from school, I dropped into a funk again, as I recalled how functional the Christmas tree farm house would have been. It was the perfect lay out and flow for our family dynamic. While our current home is great, it wasn't designed to house 6 children, not to mention 8, when everyone is home.
Later that night though, my spirits soared as I found out Harrison's volleyball team did really well at their play-offs. His high school is known for, "Honour and Excellence" and isn't the largest high school in our small town but they are known for their strong academics. Normally, the boys sports teams don't do incredibly well at play offs but this year they made it to third place. That is HUGE and so while others may wonder why we were so happy, the fact they didn't come in last was a big deal for a rag tag team.
And if that weren't enough, while at the volleyball play-offs, D received a call that Grace had been chosen to play the lead, "Holly Day," in our elementary school's Christmas concert. She will have the most speaking and singing parts of anyone. We were absolutely thrilled and Grace, who is 11, and is in grade 6, as well as grade 6 in piano with the Royal Conservatory, and a voice student at our local music school, was stunned when she heard. She thought she did well at the audition but she came home saying there were some girls with wonderful voices so she wasn't holding out much hope for a big part. Did I mention she is humble? I however am very proud of her and it really was another highlight in our week.
So many great things happening in one week and yet, I still felt sad, like a black umbrella of dark emotions covered my head.
I don't know about you, but I always find I'd rather skip my birthday totally, as so much STUFF comes up. On my actual birthday, yesterday, November 8th, I woke up wanting to sleep the day away rather than face what was to come. Since it was Saturday and nothing was planned, I thought sleeping in a bit would wash away the negative feelings, but it just made it worse. When you are a mom to 8 kids, 6 of whom are still living at home, you know you can't take even a day off, let alone a morning from ANYTHING. So when I finally did get up, the kids were hungry, the laundry pile was huge, the dishwasher needed to be emptied and filled again, the cats were meowing. Well you get the idea. You don't really have a day off...even on your birthday.
Now I'm not normally a person who believes her glass is half empty, as you have probably figured out from reading any of my blog posts but I kept looking at what I didn't have in my life. I wouldn't be selling Christmas trees this holiday season or baking cookies in my new farm kitchen. I wouldn't be organizing a large children's play room or getting chicken eggs from our coop. Oh crap! What a roller coaster of emotions...UNTIL.
My sister J came to our door, totally unexpected but boy was I happy to see her shining face and feel her warm hug. Amongst the mess of our house and chaos of noisy children, we somehow shared a pot of "David's Mother's Helper tea, my oldest sister B had given me during her last visit in October. (see the Get Grounded Earthlings post...thank you B) It was lovely to sink into a chair and talk to J about the week and also share some of my feelings. Do we ever really know how deeply we touch each other? And also, why certain people are put onto our path and in our lives.
I don't think my sister J knew the extent of my blues. I like to believe I'm quite an upbeat positive person and as a result good things keep showing up for me but for some reason when my birthday comes around, I feel sad. Is it about getting a year older? Maybe. Although one of my mantras is, "I'm ageless!" Seeing my cake glowing brighter with more candles every year though reminds me in one sense, how many years I have experienced on earth and then it also reminds me that I AM growing wiser as well. I am more enlightened. Feeling melancholy is okay, and actually part of the process. We need to feel the depths of sadness in order to recognize great joy when it arrives. It's part of growing as a soul.
After J left, I picked up my socks, literally and figuratively, since my laundry pile was knee high (and full of socks to be partnered) and she had lifted my spirits. As I cleaned and organized, our 15 year old son Harrison, made me a decadent chocolate cake, complete with bits of left over Halloween chocolates on top. (I gave him some of the stash) D and I made dinner and the evening turned out really better than I had ever expected after such a emotional week.
I blew out the flurry of candles, to cheers from the children, and then marvelled over the thoughtful gifts everyone had chosen for me. I felt more and more blessed. Today, as I look again at all my new treasures, I see there is a theme, as if everyone got together and chose something unique and special that belonged with the next gift. Although, I don't have my farm, YET, everyone gave me a little piece of HOPE to keep my dreams alive.
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| The collection of thoughtful gifts given by my sisters, friends and even our oldest son took time to find something for his me |
So Happy Birthday to me!....I'm getting older...and yes a bit wiser.
And since I'm a fall baby, perhaps you want to share in cooking one of my favourite fall dinners, Vegetarian Chili...recipe is below. Can you believe that as of today, we still haven't had any frost in our area and I still had tomatoes, green peppers, hot red peppers and carrots etc. growing in our garden. When you find abundant blessings this late in fall what do you do? Make vegetarian chili.
Can you believe we are still eating from our garden...and it's November!
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| I've never picked anything in our garden this late in the fall...tomatoes, peppers, carrots, kale, swiss chard, parsley..all still going,,,,but tomorrow is bringing cold weather at last |
If you are wanting something to lift your spirits, make this chili and think of me.
Hope's Vegetarian Chili
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| It helps to get everything chopped ahead of time |
Ingredients
- 2 large 28oz cans of whole tomatoes and their juice or if you canned any of your own....a large jar of stewed tomatoes..also if you have some fresh tomatoes, chop and use as well
- 2 can of beans, drained and rinsed (I used kidney..but you can use anything)
- 2 cup of frozen corn
- 2 stalks of celery, diced
- 2 small peppers or one large pepper, diced (I used a green but you can use any colour)
- 2 carrots, diced
- 1 large onion, diced...I used two smaller ones
- 4 cloves of garlic, finely minced
- 2 tablespoons of cumin
- 1 teaspoon oregano
- 1-3 tablespoons chili powder (more will be spicier)
- ¼-2 teaspoons of chili flakes (I used fresh red hot chili peppers from our garden)
- 2 tablespoons oil
- Salt to taste
- Optional toppings: sour cream, cheddar cheese, cilantro, parsley, diced avocados or green onion.
Instructions
1. Heat oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add onions and saute for about 3 minutes. Add garlic and saute another 1 minute. .Add celery and saute until tender. Add spices and cook stirring for about 30 seconds.
2. Add carrots, peppers and cut up fresh tomatoes and bring to a simmer. Once the chili begins to simmer, reduce the heat to a medium low.
3. Add beans
4. Add corn
5. Add stewed tomatoes
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| We served our chili on a bed of rice, along with a corn meal muffin and kale salad. We also like sour cream and grated cheese on top but tonight we put a sprig of parsley...still growing in our garden. |
And to top a fall birthday dinner....chocolate cake of course...made specially by our son Harrison
This is the recipe from my blog post, "The Places that Scare You"
Thanks Harrison. I know I said taking Foods at school was a waste of time since we also teach these life skills at home, But you are turning into a really good cook and gee, since we have to eat everyday for our whole life this is a good skill to hone. I'm now a big proponent of these life skill courses in the later grades in school. Yummy!
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| Even May Ling is interested in cake |
I listen to a wide variety of music but this week, whenever I got into my van...ha...Van Morrison sang to me. This particular song spoke to me this week, "When God Shines His Light." (click on this hyper link if you are not able to see the YouTube below).....I don't know why but it lifted me up...I hope you enjoy it and know one of the blessings I count each day, is having you reading my blog. THANK YOU!
Until we meet again, may you be well, happy and peaceful.
Blessings from Hope
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